five.

Yup, late again. Who knew?

Two blogs ago, I discussed my personal angst with certain teachers in my high school. I didn't necessarily intend to follow up the subject again, but it has struck me that as of yet, I have not made you all suffer that aged-old, yet timeless argument with what is taught in schools.

(To put it simply, the "Why do I need to know this?" rant.)

First though, a quick recap of the Scottish education system, for those not in-the-know and/or American:

Step 1: Suffer 7 years of primary school, where you can run about, be ridiculous, never have to worry about a late homework deadline, and generally have the most fun you will ever have as a kid. Friendships form, kids fall out, push and shove each other, pretend to understand what love is, and just act like...well, there is no way to describe it, like children should.

Step 2: Endure anything between 4 and 6 years of high school where you'll learn to do everything you never knew you needed, decide at aged 14 what you wanna do for the rest of yoru life, and suffer teenage drama, fallouts, general hell, homework loads that make you want to raise the building to the ground, and generally destroy all the memories of the happy schooldays of yore (see above)

Within step 2, there are several substeps:

Substep 1: Spend the first two years sucking up to the teachers, trying to get good grades, and an even better name so you get in a decent class for the the coming years. At the end of this time span, pick eight subjects you will study for the next two years.

Substep 2: Sit a standard two year course, in which you learn the groundwork of eight seperate subjects, previously picked. At the end of this timespan, sit eight exams. Congratulations, you can now call yourself a hobo. Pick five of these subjects to study next year.

Substep 3: Sit a one year, intensive course, designed to chew up your brain and make you forget everything you did in the previous two years. It is intended to be much harder, and therefore you actually need to study for once. At the end of the year, sit 5 exams. Now that you're effectively destroyed for all time, pick three of these subjects to study a further year.
Substep 4: Unless your name is Christopher Iskander, drop everything and run. At the end of the year, sit exams in these three subjects. The wish you hadn't, because you've forgotten your own name.

Step 3: Go to university, Get job. Profit. Die.

So, let's see, that looks all well and good.

Am I the only one seeing a problem with this?

Allow me to exploit these problems, starting...now.

Step 1: So effectively, from the ages of 5 to 12, I'm expected to act like a child. Okay, so you learn your ABCs, how to read and write, how to count and do some basic mathematics,but I could learn any of that from books my parents bought me. Surely, if we're about to go to High School, where it's supposedly much more challenging, they should be doing their best to prepare us, by dropping us in at the deep end. It's because of the lackluster attitude to homework in primary school that I don't have the study skills required in high school. They should have been drilled into me then, so I didn't have to learn a whole new method of learning. Bullshit.

Step 2: I'm just gunna put this all under the one title. Okay. I'm meant to know exactly what profession I'm going into, what I'm going to study, and what grades I'll need to do so, at aged 13. Bullshit. Leading on from my last point though, I don't know how to study because it's never been taught to me. So when it came to high school, and I had another oppurtunity to learn how to work, it was pulled from me again.

The first two years are a complete farce. Anyone who's gone thorugh it understands, but for those that haven't, it's a lot of being talked at, not a lot of writing, and not a lot of homework. Again, life is supposed to be harder now, why isn't it? Are they deliberately fucking with us? I think they are, cos even 3rd and 4th year are a joke. More homework, and occasional note taking. Piece of easy-as-pie learning.

Then Higher arrives (5th Year) and rapes you.

Remember high school was meant to be harder? This is that plus more.

And I've not been trained to handle the studying, the revising, the homework, the note-taking. They expect me to instantly know what to do, and to get on with it. Okay, they'll work through the course, but how can I revise for my finals if I don't know how?

And for that reason, I'm out.

Step 3: Everything after that is fairly straight forward really. Lots of getting drunk, I've been told. Looking forward to that.

But through this all, I still have a keen love of learning. I love to learn, to become more knowledgable about things, to allow my mind to grow. So to those who whine about why we're taught the things we are, shut up. It's you that always end up in McDonalds, or pushing trollies in Asda, because you never took pride in learning, or cared. Have fun working McJobs.

Because if you're going to argue then at least try to understand what you're talking about.

four.

Once upon a time this update was going to be about Recycling.

Yeah, two weeks ago anyways. I gave up on that one as a bad job.

Tonight, I realise something.

Something pretty big to me.

But allow me to backtrack a little bit.

You'll all know I'm a musician. I live it. I breathe it, enjoy it, study it, research it, wallow in it, dredge myself up with it. It is my life. My soul, my passion, my pride. I love it so much I'm running off to University in 3 months to study it. For a decade of my life, music has changed me, shaped me, moulded me into the person I am now.

But was it the only thing?

No. As with everyone, there are many contributing factors to who you are. Some of them aren't too good, some of them are silly, some of them are truly wonderful. And some of them make me step back and think: "Wow...did that really happen to me? Am I that lucky guy?"

Most things happen to me by lucky accident, I'll admit. Discovering a certain fandom: Luck. Finding certain people: Luck. Heck, even my Mathematics grade in my final two years ago was luck! Oh, and it was an A, for the curious - and I still don't know or understand how I achieved that.

Tonight, I reflected on one of those lucky accidents. A good friend once told me of this program called Skype. Back in the day, it was only a beta program. Now, it's a sprawling mass of people and culture, all talking to one another. I could be talking to one person in Canada, another in France, and another in Australia all at the same time with me in the middle of it all. It was a revelation to me, like MSN but with voice! Simply genius.

And you know, that was the key word: Voice. No longer would it just be words on a screen, no longer would it be a silent wait for the other person to type out a reply, no. Now, I could vocalise. Now I could hear. Now I could actually see the person I was talking to.

The program simply astounded me. It's creation has destroyed barriers between people. Once upon a time you had to grab a phone and suffer a huge bill to call someone in The States, usually with the most awkward conversations you could ever imagine. Now, it was free. Now, it was less daunting.

Now, it was exciting.

And I thrived on this excitement. I still do! I still get a buzz from being able to see and hear someone - perhaps someone well known in a fandom, or perhaps just a close friend - with no fear of awkwardness, expense, or hellish questions to answer. I was, to put it frankly, overjoyed at this prospect.

Over time, I have talked to and befriended many a person through skype. If it hadn't been for that gorgeous piece of coding, I wouldn't be friends with half those I am, and wouldn't know what fun I was missing! The random jokes to keep us all awake at 5am, the people falling asleep at their desks, the artists distracting themselves from work and complaining about it - but never once leaving, so much fun we were having.

And not just fun. People have cried on Skype to me, poured their hearts out to me as a vent. Been ridiculous on camera with me. Given me memories I will forever cherish. Made me laugh, made me feel heartbroken, and made me feel loved.

Loved. Truly, warmly, honestly loved.

Tonight, at 4am, I realised something.

Fuck my studies. Fuck my career. Fuck the people at my school that call themselves my friends.

Fuck the homework that was supposed to be handed in two days ago. Fuck the food steadily going cold downstairs on the kitchen counter. Fuck the music I should be making. I'm here.

Getting famous? Meh. Touring the world? Lovely. Making millions of dollars? Even better.

But I don't need any of that when the friends I have make me feel like a million dollars every single day, just by plugging in their microphone and saying 'Hello'.

Most of my friends I met by happy accident. But to those friends I've made: Travis, Aaron, Zack, Richard, Calvin, Kelly, Tony, and the countless others I've gotten to know...

You guys make me feel like the luckiest guy alive.

three.

The Foreward.

You will have guessed - I hope by now - that certain things do not agree with me. Indeed, I have been referred to before as a hater, ever finding reasons to dislike things. I find a certain fondness in critique, in exploiting the flaws and faults in the things I like, or indeed love. There are many reasons that could be proposed to explain why I enjoy this behaviour - and I will applaude the first person to use me as the main study in a psychology dissertation as to do so would be no mean feat. Until then however, I will continue to create these little rambles, in the hope some of it will make sense.

Quiant that I would make a reference to higher education in the previous paragraph, as it is currently at the forefront of my mind.

Education.

The Scottish education system, with all the flaws it may have currently - flaws which may or may not be fixed and yet another educational reform to be brought about in the next few years (and I do not hold out my hope for the former) - is considered one of the 'hardest' in the world. That is to say, it is tough. Pupils find it tough. Pupils need to know a lot, and I mean a heck of a lot for their exams, some of which they will never use again. The courses are grueling, and unless you dive straight in, you will never achieve. Many people around here will say that Standard Grade courses are easy, and that may be correct, but once that pupil reaches Higher or Advanced Higher (which is considered equal to the first year of university in terms of ability required) then if that student hasn't pulled their finger out before now, there is simply no way they will achieve.

I am one of those people. I was a fool, and I will be the first to admit it. I entered my 5th year with hopes that I would be able to sail through the system, much like I had Standard Grade. So what if the course was a whole year shorter than the last? What would it matter if the stuff I needed to know was more testing that before? How hard could it be? That August, I vowed to myself that I would attain the five A's I had always been assured, and had convinced myself I would achieve.

I was blinded by my ignorance - by my arrogance. Things started out okay. But within the first week I discovered that I did not know certain things as well as I should. I swore to learn that which I had learned the year before more thoroughly. I pledged that I would have no problems with the new information because all it did was build on the year before.

But old habits die hard, and time stretched on. By December I had missed homework deadlines a good number of times. I was considered a clown, showing up when I felt like it, not much unlike a certain few slackers in 6th year. Did this bother me? Goodness it should have, but no. I refused to see my folly. Instead, when Christmas knocked on my door, I decided that the Preliminary Examinations would cause me no hassle, and I would do minimum revision required to pass. And I did! A couple of questions here, a glance at my notes there. I thought I'd be okay. My fears dissapated. I was an A grade student already. So what if I had failed a couple of the NABs? What did it matter if I 'misplaced' some homework sheets? I was a smart guy. I knew everything I needed.

Prelims hit.

I passed Advanced Higher Music with an A. Brilliant, thought I. Nothing hard at all. No problem, I told myself.

I passed English with a B. I hadn't revised my quotations. No problem, I told myself.

I passed Geography with a C. Well, they marked us harshly. I'm sure it wasn't my fault. No problem, I told myself.

Physics: Fail.

Maths: Fail.

Computing: Fail.

Fuck.

What did this do to me? It should have spurred me on to change my ways: To start sitting down with my books and copying things out; To read over what I had already learned; To complete past papers; To turn things around.

Instead, all it did was depress me. I despaired, "How could I have failed?". I will not bore you with my thoughts and justifications. I was an idiot. I know that now. Now Maytime, and one univerisity down, with the other holding me up with a conditional I must achieve, I feel like a complete asshole. I was given a chance. I have done the deed. Already, I have failed.

My one chance now is to work. I know the information, I need to learn my weaknesses. Once I have that information what work I must do. But it is imperative that I receive this information. The problem is that certain teachers are...reluctant to help.

My physics teacher is in essence, a good man. That is, he is a good man in the same way that crack addict along the street that gives out free weed and throws a good party is a good man. He is not a person I personally like. He is sneering, quick to comment, and overtly sarcastic. Mr. Callaghan is his name, and he is a man of resignations.

He resigned himself to the fact that I was going to fail physics after the first prelim. He resigned himself to the fact I am a useless student after I failed my second nab a multitude of times. He resigned himself to the fact that he's not going to help me when I need it most. He is a man of resignation.

Two weeks ago, my physics class sat a second prelim. This is designed to show us where our weaknesses are, and hopefully to show improvement. Two weeks the papers have sat on his desk. Two weeks I have waited on the information I need to start working. Two weeks, and nothing.

When I confronted him about it today with another student, he simply said he hadn't done them. When I told him I needed to know, and that it was important, he sneered and said "Eh, well Cailean, do you really think your prelim is going to count for anything?".

I wanted to punch the man, How dare he exploit my weaknesses for all to see. How dare he pontificate to me about how I am a failure. How dare he show me for who I am: An arrogant fool.

And then it clicked. Why me and him do not see eye to eye. He was as I am. He only got a B in his physics higher, something I would love to achieve now, and indeed, is the best I can hope for. He and I are so alike it is like staring into a mirror. Only my hair is longer. The callous, arrogant person I despise as a teacher is the person I am just now. It is my own fault that I am in this position, and he knows it. Through his words, I realised something I should have a long time ago.

Hypocritical for me to despise the critique I recieved from him. It is more than I deserve. To have my flaws shown to me and exploited is to show me how I can change. I know now who I am - and I know now who I will be. I am not the arrogant and sneering face. I am not the neatly trimmed hair. No.

I am my own person. I may be holistic in my approaches...but I know what I will do about this...I know what I will do.

This does not mean the man has a right to have not marked our prelims. No, this has not made me complacant. No, this has fueled me. I shall find out my prelim mark. I shall do my best to improve where i have failed. I will try my hardest in the may exam. Not because I feel some kind of self-pride, or feel I have a point to make. Not because I want to settle a grudge. Not because I want to see his face turn. No. One simple reason, a statement I told myself at the start of the year, and a thought that has carried me on throughout the long months. A statement I should have made philosophy, and carried like a bible at my breast. No matter who you are, remember this. No matter who you are, know that these words will forever be alive in my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, and my life. There are many things I am, and not all of them good. But there is one thing I shall never be:

I will never be a failure.

two.

Technology.

Techonolgy is simply wonderful. Constantly evolving and changing, moulding and shaping the world around us so that everything in our lives now has an element of mechanisation involved. Here's a simple example:

You wake up in the morning to turn your favourite song off on the alarm you set for 7:25am on your cell phone. Groggily, you stumble to the bathroom, where you set about brushing your teeth with what six months ago was considered the best electronic toothbrush on the market, but now considered obsolete - thanks to a new pulse technology that dislodges plaque from teeth with small ultrasound frequencies - which you intend to buy next week. Stepping into the shower, you barely notice that the showerhead has been produced to create the best feeling, most even shower, designed to drench your body almost completely as you stand under the stream, scrubbing clean with a sponge specifically designed to produce a thicker, more efficient lather. Finally, finished at last, and after shaving with a sonic razor that sends electronic pulses out to the hairs to raise them for a smoother shave, you towel yourself off with an egyptian cotton towel, the fabric wound and spun into the object by machines, to make the longest lasting towel available on the market.

You see my point? Technology, and the products of technology are all around us. Even the keyboard I'm typing this blog with is a simple marvel of technology. Think back perhap twenty years: do you think people would have expected companies like Samsung to create 3D-TV sets? Could people have contemplated the assimulated realities we see in games like Half Life, Final Fantasy, and Halo? Would it even have entered people's minds that they would be able to surf the internet - an idea newly released unto the world - on a mobile phone?

No, it would not.

The possibilities for this world with current technologies are huge.

But so are the possibilities for the big companies to 'cash in'.

Case in point. My cell phone came with a set of headphones. Music on a mobile is common these days, so most think nothing of it. My mother's cell is much the same, coming with much the same gear. Hers is a Samsung, mine is an LG.

Both came with exactly the same parts, exactly the same accessories, and are exactly the same size and weight (when rounded off). Why, then, is every single hole and port on these contraptions different? The charger slot is different, the battery is a different size...if both came with the same equipment, why on earth can't they have the same outward design?

Most people would tend to argue that it's to give the device a feeling of individuality. "If everyone had the same phone, there wouldn't be any change advances in techonology" is one argument I've heard before, and "I don't want this phone, I want to have a phone that no-one else has!".

The truth - and it is a very simple fact - is that if you were designing a piece of technology, you can't use what is already available. Not because of cosmetic value, but for profit. Why on earth would you create a mobile that uses the exact same charger as another rival company? Why would my make it the same as other phone's you made? Money, money, money.

Here's a scenario. You lose your phone charger. No-one else you know has that charger, at least no-one nearby. You know your local outlet is open and accessible, and you know that you're running out of time. What do you do? You buy a new charger.

Your headphones stop working suddenly. You suspect it to be a design fault. You also know that no-one around has a set to lend you. You know your local outlet is open and accessible. What do you do? You buy new headphones.

Your MP3 player breaks after a sudden fall. The past three years of your musical tastes is lost suddenly. You know it will probably cost more to fix it than to buy a new one. You know yoru local outlet is open, you know you have the money for a new one, and you know you can get there before closing time. What do you do? You buy a new MP3. A different model, a different company, and inevitably lots more equipment.

And what are you meant to do with the stuff you are left with? A charger that is now redundant, a set of headphones that will fit nothing else, various accessories that you cannot swap into or onto your new phone. Nobody will buy them from you, vendors are unlikely to take them off of you, and only certain recycling points will take them from you.

But, ethically speaking, is it 'right' for companies to spend so much time and energy waisting materials that are finite on this earth to draw more money from the consumer? Is it economically correct to be milking the consumer for every penny when the world economy is so terribly shot?

I am no economic expert, but I do know that kids love their technology. Parents in poor economic positions will often put their neck on the block just to see their child(ren) happy., Games consoles, laptops, iPods, cell phones, they'll buy anything for their young ones. And that leads to terribly spoilt brats wandering around schools, showing off all their technology, breaking things just so that they can get new things, and often not thinking about money.

I understand now how big an issue money is. In four months I should be a university student. Money is tight enough as it for my parents, and I know that my student loan will be small, thanks to a major problem in the university economy. Every penny counts. I don't have the money to buy a new phone, I don't have the moeny to buy a new MP3 player. I don't have the money to keep up with the times.

And I don't have the patience for spoilt brats.